Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I was pondering on the impact my long distance relationship has had on my life. It has been a long, rough road and far from easy. So I decided to write this impromptu post, hoping that it may help others in the same situation as myself or perhaps be an encouragement to couples in general. I'm no love guru, what I share is what I have learned from personal experience and so I pray it may be of blessing to you, my dear reader.
Relationships in general are work. I don't even have to say this, everyone that is or has been in a relationship understands how much time and work is poured out to caring for and loving another. It takes prayer, communication, time, effort, honesty, trust, loyalty, and fidelity for a godly relationship to work, whether your significant other lives next door or a thousand miles away. I do not want to say that long distance relationships are so much more harder than normal relationships but I do want to say that it tests the authenticity of your love and your patience. There's a popular quote online that says that "long distance relationships are not for the fearful, but for the bold who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It is for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough." I have to say that I agree wholeheartedly. Pretty much be prepared to do a lot of waiting. As with everything else in life, we are never prepared for the hardships of a long distance relationship. But I want to challenge those who say and believe that long distance relationships don't work because from my own experience, being apart from my boyfriend has taught me unconditional love and patience; two virtues that I wouldn't have learned any other way. Your patience is tested daily, and only prayer can hold you up, give you strength to withstand your own emotions. Because, tell me of a couple who doesn't enjoy each other's company? Yes, it's hard not seeing your loved one for months on end, not knowing when you'll get to be together again. What made it difficult for me was seeing many couples together, doing fun things, making memories, basking in each other's presence and silently wishing that he was with me. Little by little I have learned to rely on my Father's strength and trust His timing (isn't that what we do with everything else in our lives? It's no different here!) It took time to arrive at a point where my focus was not on how much time it's been since I last saw him, or pondering when I will see him again but rather expressing my gratitude to Father for the blessing of love and melting at the overwhelming warmth that always ensues when we silently worship Him. With that being said I want to say that sometimes no matter how much people tell you that it's going to be fine, no matter how many songs you listen to, how many books you read, there will be bad days and it's okay to not always be okay. But the beauty of hardship is that when I am weak, my Heavenly Father is strong. I don't have to try to be strong because my Father IS my strength (2 Corinthians 12:10). YAH is the bond that keeps us together. This is not only true in marriage but in every relationship seeking to glorify YAH. On our own, we simply couldn't do it.
"...and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:12b
I would like to add that, the reason why many long distance relationships, and relationships in general, fail is not so much because of lack of trust or communication even, but the fact that many couples lose sight of the main purpose of the relationship. A godly couple truly seeking to please YAH will not lose their focus on Him. YAH is love, to know Him is to know love, to walk with Him is to walk in love. When we lose focus on YAH, we lose the kindling fire that is love. Without love, our focus on the other person is lost and shifts to the self. And thus we have broken relationships due to infidelity, lack of communication and trust. Relationships don't fail because of any of the above, they fail because YAH was taken out of the picture. It's a heart problem, not a physical one. Long distance relationships fail not because of the distance, they fail for the same reasons normal relationships fail. On the other hand, love above all things endures til the end. Love is patient, love is not selfish, love is not rude, love hopes, love is simply... unconditional (1 Corinthians 13). Paul goes on to say in that chapter that we can have all we want, but if love is absent, we are nothing. To love unconditionally is to have agape love. No relationship survives only on philia and eros. I can assure you that if you have YAH and unconditional love in your relationship, it will withstand every storm whether you see each other daily or a few times a year.
The only difference between a long distance relationship and a normal relationship is the physical distance. Does distance have an impact on your relationship? Why, of course, but only positively. You learn to appreciate the other person more and the time together, to be strong in the LORD, that you don't have to be perfect to be loved by an equally imperfect person, that you can go old school and write letters; actually MAIL stuff, that you will actually use your phone to TALK and that absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. I can count with one hand how many times I have seen my boyfriend in the 2 1/2 years we've been dating. We've endured a lot of negative views from people around us "it's not going to work" "you simply can't trust when you can't see" "you need physical contact in order for it to work" "you can't get to know each other that well". And while our relationship, like all of them, hasn't been perfect, our foundation is not on physical contact but on our perfect Rock and our Fortress who is no shadow of turning (James 1:17). We may be apart but we are never far, because the love that radiates from my Father's embrace fills the gap between a thousand miles.
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